Memory Mix Tape
by TrueLoveAlwaysLP
Summary: <html><head></head>Set in S3. Peyton is remembers her moments with Lucas and tries to figure out what these tell her.</html>
1. Please

**I know I haven't updated in months, and I haven't abandoned 'Feelings You Can't Deny'. I will write again and I know If I get positive feedback, I will make more time to continue this story and maybe 'Feelings You Can't Deny', too. **

**So this is my new story 'Mix Tape'. A few months back I heard this song and these LP-scenes just popped into my head. It was intended to be a One-Shot, but it got longer than I thought and I decided to make it a multiple-chapter story. It will be 5 chapters with each one flashback from season 3. **

**So a few information about the concept: **

**It starts at the Naley wedding. Peyton remembers her moments with Lucas and before each memory will be a part of the lyrics of ' Mix Tape' in **_**cursive**_** and at the end is a little piece of poetry. **

**Well enough of my babbling. I have Chapter 2 halfway written. So let's say if I get enough motivation ( Feedback!) I will update sooner. Review is really appreciated, and please write more than 'Update soon.'**

**Disclaimer: I don't own OTH and its characters, that's Mark Schwahn. **

**Please (tell me what I need)**

_**by Alex Max Band**_

Peyton was watching the celebrating crowd from outside. A few years back she would have laughed when someone might have hinted that they would celebrate Nathan and Haley's _second_ wedding together.

She saw Brooke in comparison, enjoying herself and the whole atmosphere with that back-stabbing bitch Rachel, she now called a friend, and sending death-glares in her direction every once in a while.

Nathan and Haley were practically radiating with happiness and infecting everyone around them. Well everyone except her. She was confused, hurt and lonely.

Peyton wondered how she got here and why life was so hard. It seemed like nothing would go right. There would always be something that was missing. She sometimes knew what it was but she tried to suppress these feelings because they hurt too much to even think about them, or better _him._

She knew with absolute certainty that she loved him and that she was always happy and at her best when she was with him. It just seemed like the circumstances were never good for them. It was almost like a curse.

He cared for her that much was certain. He always had. But there was something that stopped her and maybe him too to act upon those feelings. Well, sometimes they did act upon them but it would usually end in total drama.

When she thought back over the past 3 years she could barely remember a time when he had not been there. Well actually he had not been there the whole time, not before he had joined the Ravens. It was ironic really. Lucas and his brother had always hated each other and their groups of friends had barely crossed path until then and when they had it never ended well but ultimately it had been their fighting that had brought them all together.

Nathan had been determined to make Lucas' life a living hell and it had been really hard for Lucas but it has been Haley's deal with Nathan that stopped the mobbing. They even had tried to be civil around each other. Well not right away. But Lucas had never given up upon his dream. He even had made her believe in herself.

She had never been very, how to put it, patient when it came to her art but he had send her drawings to 'thud magazine', of course without her permission, and they said it was good. She would have never had the courage to do it herself but he had done it for her. After that she had been herself more than before. This had lead to her break-up with Nathan but to be honest their relationship had not been going well for a long time. But it did change something within her. Lucas changed her.

She got stronger and fought for what she wanted, even if it did not always work out. Mostly she regretted that she did not take her chances with him when she could have. She was just too confused after breaking up with Nathan and trying to figure out what she really, truly wanted. And when she did realise that she wanted to be with him, it was too late. He had been with Brooke. And additionally she would have spared all three of them a lot of drama and heartache.

Sometimes she wondered what her life had been like if she had not hesitated so long. Maybe they would have been together and a lot would be different now. Maybe they would be exactly where they were today because let's face it they both had quite some issues to deal with at the time.

But despite everything they had remained friends. He somehow managed to always be there for her and even when the outcome was not always good and often painful she would not miss a single memory she had with him.

Something caught her attention, breaking the trance-like state she had been in. Lucas got out of the white tent finally showing up again. She had not seen him since the ceremony where he had been Nathan 's best man and lead Haley to the altar because her parents had not attended her wedding(it was her second wedding, ok, but still it's their daughter's wedding) She would have given everything if one of her mothers could be there when she, if she, ever got married.

She saw Lucas broken expression. He looked a little better then he had in the last few days but she could still see his inner struggle and grief over of losing his father figure, his uncle Keith. She knew exactly how he felt.

_You say hello, inside I'm screaming I love you  
>You say goodnight, in my mind<br>I'm sleeping next to you  
>You drive away from my car crash of a heart<br>And I don't know_

She had been devastated after Ellie's death. She knew her birth mother would have wanted her to fully live her life and have no regrets. She had not known her for long and she wished she had spent more time with her before the cancer lead to her death but she would honor Ellie forever and try to live her life and not grief forever. She owed that to her.

Still it was hard to maintain a happy face and not break into tears whenever she was reminded of her. She might be able to laugh with Brooke and Haley but not whole-heartedly. That was way too soon. She needed company because the moment she was on her own she would break and she did not want that.

So when Brooke got to know that her fashion show was the same day as the classics and not like originally planned the day before she somehow got to hang out with Rachel. She had not judged her good or bad, she did not have much to do with Rachel up until then. So when she found out that Rachel liked the same music and did not seem so bad she thought they could be friends. Well Brooke absolutely disliked her and she better had listened to her best friend but you are always wiser later.

So anyway they hung out and she finally let the grief overwhelm her and she got really drunk. So drunk that she could not even walk without Rachel's assistance. And throughout the whole room-switch-chaos she stumbled in a room which she thought was hers.

So she lay there with a pounding headache on the bed ready to fall asleep when the light got switched on and she had to cover her eyes quickly. When they had been adjusted to the light she turned her head to the left and looked up at the surprised Lucas who was rubbing his eyes with his hand.

He looked at her for a few seconds, waved his hand before his face and said in a very sleepy, but concerned voice:

"Are you drunk?"

She looked at him and would have turned away not to show how uncomfortable she was when she spotted something bright blue that was on his lids. It almost looked like...

"Are you wearing eyeshadow?", she could not help herself but ask and simultaneously point to his eyes which would be weird for her but he held that kind expression that made her forget her worries. And then the corners of his lips turned up and it almost looked like he smirked and she smiled for a second but then she could feel her headache again.

And she remembered how Ellie had told her about her life on tour and she thought to herself that something like that might have happened to her too and she wanted to tell her about it but she could not because Ellie was gone.

Lucas must have seen it and he asked with a very gentle expression "Bargain for the pain?"

And she saw in his mesmerizing, gentle, blue eyes of his that he did not judge her. He saw that she suffered with grief and he wanted to help her. He knew her and he knew that she wanted to keep this to herself but this would not help it and so he gently pushed her for her own good.

And she wondered if things could be better again after losing two mothers, a father who was barely home and a broken heart that was not fixed at all and so she asked with sorrow in her voice.

"Kind of. Everything in gonna be alright, right?"

Lucas met her gaze, their eyes locked and she could see the worry in his eyes. It was like he saw right through her. Her fear of losing people she cared about and loved, her loneliness but also her desperation because she was pushed over the edge, piece by piece, where she would give up. And he knew how fragile she was and also determined not to let someone see it. But she could not fool him.

He knew her and because of that he was choosing his words very careful, contemplating how it would effect her.

But it did not matter what he would say because only his presence made her feel safe. With him nothing could happen to her. He had already saved her a couple of times, more than she could count. It was when she was about to fall apart, like right now, when she was ready to quit everything, fighting to be herself, hold on to that and being proud of it.

That was just the kind of person he was, always there no matter what kind of trouble he could there especially with Brooke. She simply, and without a doubt trusted him. He would never leave her.

"Yeah, yeah it is..", he said and she believed him because she trusted him eternally in this moment and also because whenever her life has been miserable and he had been there, every time it had effected her life in a good way even though she did not realized it at once.

So she fell asleep peacefully with the knowledge that she would get better and overcome her grief to live like Ellie would have wanted her to.

-0-

It broke her heart to see him so broken. His blue eyes met green ones and she once again saw grief, anger, confusion and sadness. Her fresh recalled memory of herself after Ellie' s death only made the connection she felt with him stronger and her heart pounded rapidly, her eyes still glued to his. She was about to fight this but she couldn't and she also did not want to.

_I'd rather have_

_bad times with you,_

_than good times_

_with someone else._

_I'd rather be beside you_

_in a storm,_

_than safe and warm_

_by myself._

_I'd rather have_

_hard times together,_

_than to have it easy apart._

_Remember I's always_

_love you baby,_

_You are the one_

_who holds my heart._

**So this is the first chapter. What do you think? Please review.**

**Whenever I get a review it makes my day and this way you tell me that someone is still reading my stuff, despite my lack of updates. **


	2. Just a feeling

**AN: So here is chapter two. It took me a while to finish it but I guess I expected a little bit more reactions from you guys. I would like some kind of reaction... This chapter is a little bit longer than the first one. This chapters flashback is from 3.17. **

**I am sorry it took so long. But I have chapter 3 planned already. **

**Thank you too all who have reviewed so far: **

**OTHGirl24 and RJMoonspell24 my loyal readers.**

**Jamyj30: Thank you.**

**LukePeyTLA: You got my idea. Its about how Peyton remembers them and what realizes because of them. This is why I place a poem at the end of the chapters. They mirror her feelings. Thank you.**

**I love reviews. They make my day. I check my Email account every hour to if I got something.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own OTH and its characters. They belong to Mark Schwahn and the CW.**

**Just a feeling**

_**by Maroon 5**_

Seeing him so hurt made her want to run toward him, embrace him in a hug and give him as much comfort as he had given her. It was hard to resist this force within her but she did not want to hurt Brooke anymore than she already had so she fought with all the strength she had. She would not let history repeat itself.

_But you gave me the best mix tape I have  
>And even all the bad songs ain't so bad<br>I just wish there was so much more than that  
>About me and you<em>

Peyton sat in the library with very dim light coming through the windows. It was late evening and it was supposed to be quiet, late at school especially in the library. She could hear her classmates enjoying their get-together, well as far as it was possible after what had happened here only a week ago. This tragedy was hard for everyone, for some more traumatic then others but there was no one who was not affected.

She had wanted to stay alone here. Even though this very place held so many painful memories she preferred to be here. She could not imagine to participate in this ritual Brooke had organized. She was too far from being good company to anyone.

She heard footsteps heading in her direction. Whoever this was was alone and had decided not to join this party, too. He or she wanted to be alone. There were several people she could think of but not one of them she was prepared to face right now. She did not want to get those looks full of pity. She hated that and the fact that this clingy, annoying pain in her leg pain had started again, as if it wanted to remind her of something, did not made anything better.

Two people had lost their lives, Jimmy and Keith, and Lucas had lost his father – figure shortly after Keith had returned to their lives and it had looked so good for them. Karen and Keith had been engaged and they had planned to adopt Lucas – not that this little, official detail made him any less Lucas' real father – but this tragedy had made this happy – end impossible. This was really hard for Lucas. She saw it in his eyes everyday. It filled her heart with sorrow. She had lost her biological mother recently, too and she could sympathize with him. The situation to which he had lost him, though, had made it even more painful.

This morning had showed her and everyone else how much he was struggling. In the hallway, at Jimmy' s locker he had lost control. He had kicked all the little gifts that had shown some respect to his former friend. He had been so full of hatred, desperate. He had even scared her. The guy who had stayed calm, even in the library with her bleeding to death, had freaked out so much that everyone had taken several steps back and nobody but Mouth had dared to mention Jimmy since then when Lucas was in earshot.

It had caused a sting in her heart to see him like that and she had debated with herself to go to him and talk to him. She had felt his eyes on her ten minutes ago and at the wake but Brooke was close so she didn't return it. She wanted to help him through this. She owed it to him.

He had given her the comfort when she had needed it the most and if it was not for Lucas she would have given up weeks ago. And now look at her. She was far from fine – there were way to many confusing thoughts and unresolved problems she still had to deal with, not to mention that she had almost been killed – but she could be worse and she knew who to thank for that. If it had not been for Lucas she would not be here in the first place. He had fearlessly entered the school to save her, like he already had so many times and without him being there she would have freaked out, bleed out, lost consciousness even earlier and in the end joined her mothers.

Now she was filled with confusion, guilt, and other feelings and pain that did not seem to plan on going away any time soon, but she was alive and had stuff on her mind that might not be pleasant – not all of it – but reasons to go on.

She had been so engulfed in her memory lane that she completely forget the approaching student. So when Lucas appeared between the bookshelves she did not expect him, and it made her almost jump out of her seat, setting her leg in the floor and causing a stream of sharp, piercing pain to go from her leg through her whole body and make her groan in pain.

Lucas looked at her, at first taken aback and her surprise mirrored on his face and then his expression shifted to concerned, worried and relieved and after looking around – as if to make sure nobody was there – he sat down next to her and leaned against the chair, his eyes not leaving her face for a second.

She tried to look away for a second, but gave up. His gaze caught her and the warmth in his eyes looked their gazes. She found comfort in them, but there was something wrong. There was the warmth and gentleness she usually saw their but it was weak and he looked exhausted. He was still struggling, she realized, of course. He also seemed to have rings under his eyes, so he did not slept well, too.

She wanted to cheer him up. She knew it would take a while for him to get _really better_, but she wanted to help him like he had helped her.

"Hey...", she said. She wanted it to come out cheerful, but it came out kind of weak.

She saw a smile tug at the corner of his lips. She had tried to sound optimistic and smile, but it was forced and she knew he could see through her facade.

He did understand what she was trying to do, as she had expected him to, and he sighed and said with a smug expression that did not quite reach his eyes:

"We really have to stop meeting like this.", he said, obviously trying to cheer her up instead, but his voice had a serious edge to it.

She almost laughed at his comment, almost. If they stopped meeting like that, what would their life be like? What would it have been like if they had not taken part in each others life? There were numerous things that slipped into her mind, and the most recent, meaningful meeting that reminded her so much of this was enough to make her see that she did not mind these meetings. Just before his arrival here she had debated with herself that she would not be here if it was not for him.

And she knew that with his comment he meant exactly the same memory she had just recalled. But he did not just thought about saving her but also the events that followed he rescue and she saw guilt sparkle in his eyes. She could imagine what he was thinking right now. 'If I had not run back into the school that day, Keith would still be alive. If I had not come back, none of this would have happened.' He was blaming himself, because he did not want to accept that Keith was dead. So to get through this he was going through all the _what ifs_, as if this could change anything. He had to see the good that came out of his actions, so she knew what she had to say.

"You know I never did thank you..."

'...for saving me. ', she added in her mind. She still saw the pain in his eyes, but there was also gratefulness. She knew that he had understood her, even without her speaking the words out loud.

A small smile graced his lips, one that even reached his eyes, and she felt a little bit better. His whole tragedy should not have happened in the first place and once again she wondered why all bad stuff and tragedy usually happened to people who had already suffered a lot, like Lucas and herself.

It made her sad that they could not do anything to stop these things from happening. God knew she would have done everything, but after all her own experiences with loss and death she knew deep in her heart that you had to learn and appreciate the good things that already and will happen. If you don't look forward and tried to move on, without forgetting of course, you would break. She knew this all to well.

Lucas reached across the table to touch her hand and squeeze it. This gesture of comfort made turn her head. She felt small tears dripping on her cheeks. His touch was warm and familiar and those feelings rushed through her whole body, calming her.

Great, here she was trying to comfort him and it ended up the other way around.

Lucas' blue eyes sought her green ones and when they connected, she saw understanding, comfort and warmth in his eyes. He did not mind this awkward situation – being who he was – and then he said what she had sensed him trying to say, but it was good to hear him say it nonetheless.

"It's gonna be alright.", and his voice sounded hopeful.

"God, I am such a girl!", she could not help herself say and she wiped her eyes, avoiding meeting his gaze, again. She did not want to see pity in his eyes.

But when she looked up she saw him smile, for real this time. And she saw compassion and the light return to his eyes, the spark that made him himself, the one that could infect everyone. Happiness and a wave of comfort rushed through her, knowing that even though she had not intended to cheer him up this way, she had reached her aim. She felt herself blush and she could hear him grinning, but not in a mean way, more like a happy, amused smile. He tried to muffle it but when she looked at him with what she hoped was a annoyed glare, he did not tried to hide his smug smile anymore and said while shaking his head.

"You love me." His words hurt her. She had tried to convince herself that her confession had not meant something, that she had spoken those words because she was going to die. But at that moment she knew it was more.

Yes she had been in pain when she had confessed her feelings for him, yes she had thought she was going to die and he had been the only one that had distracted her and kept her awake. But at the same time she admitted to herself that she had had those feelings for some time then and she had kept them buried inside her because she was very aware what those feelings would do to her friendship with Brooke. But it had been real and they still were and him joking about it made her feel like someone was sticking needles in her heart so that it bled and there were no stitches that could stop the bleeding.

"Hey that's so not fair!", she blurred out, and she hated that her voice sounded so whiny.

She knew it would do no good to admit any of the stuff that ran through her head right now. She could barely admit those things to herself, little less to him or Brooke or anyone else.

He looked at her for a second and then, as if he did not realize how serious this was for her he added:

"You probably just wanna kiss me again."

Her mouth dropped open. How could he say stuff like that to her? She knew he was going through a rough time but this? She did wanted him to be better but not by making fun of her!

"Hey this is so not fair!" and when his grin seemed frozen on his face she yelled : "Dude, shut up!"

She had meant it as a warning but it came out differently because just then she saw his lips tug upwards, as if he was trying to tell her to not take this situation so serious, to think it was of it as an inside joke or something like that. He was taking some pressure of the situation and the conflict it could create if they continued to think everything through. They were both like that, stubborn to no end. This was what kept them from just living their lives at moments like those when they should be happy that they were still there and that they had each other.

He seemed a lot better, you could hear that in his voice, see in his face and even in his eyes.

He wanted to start live again and not think less about the recent tragedies, even though it would take him a long time to forget it completely.

He had slight hope again, and that was all that mattered. So she tried to go along with his chatty tone, but first she felt an urge to explain to him about the kiss.

"OK I kissed you but...", she thought about telling him about the conflict she was struggling with, her reawakened feelings, but then she thought about not knowing herself if this was just the aftermath of her rescue and her lately vulnerable state so she decided on a half-truth.

"...I thought I was gonna die and you took care of me. So..."

She did not finish this sentence, not yet. But she saw in his eyes that he knew what she had not said. He understood.

'You know we...', she tried to continue nonetheless. She felt like she owed it to him to speak it out loud. But when she met his gaze, his warm, gentle eyes seemed to see right through her, as if he could read her. This gut feeling was confirmed when he answered softly:

'Yeah', pausing for a second. 'I know.'

This was so like him to stop her when she was about tom admit something. She felt her heart give in a little and the corners of her lips lifted involuntarily.

As if he knew she was grinning but trying to hide it by turning away.

Then as if a thought had just crossed his mind he added smirking:_** '**_If I told you I love you would you hold it against me...'

And she could do nothing to stop the pain that rushed through her after this seemingly nonchalant statement. She knew when she had admitted her feelings in that exact moment that is has been the truth but in the aftermath, after it had became clear that she would survive she had thought about the consequences that might follow.

'Luke when I said that...', she started following an inner force and her coincidence to explain this week moment to him, while not daring to look at him, afraid what she might see in his face.

But then she looked up to see a smile on his lips and anything but accusations in his eyes. In the contrary he seemed to get perfectly why she was struggling with her confession.

'Because I do, Peyton. But it's ok because there is this other girl, I mean, you might know her Brooke Davis and I am completely in love with her.'

'You don't know how good it is to hear you say that', she said putting up a brave face, trying to cover how much his mentioning her best friend and his girlfriend was as much the reason for her struggle as her growing feeling that might mess up everything once again.

'Because I thought everything was gonna get weird again and I really don't want it to.', biting her lip, hoping to cover up better than usual.

'We' re ok, right?' , asinsecurity took over and she added for reassurance, mostly for herself.

Lucas nodded and relieve filled her whole body.

Peyton was about to get up, following a feeling that this conversation was better finished here before they were typing into more dangerous themes. 'I should go.'

But she was stopped in motion, grabbing for her crutches when Lucas leaned slightly forward and whispered her name. This action made her turn to him again waiting for what he might want to tell her now. But what he said took her by surprise.

'I am sorry about your moms, both moms. I feel like I haven't been there for you the way I should have...' His words go right through her bones and fill her heart. This was so absurd. How can he think he had not been there? He, who always manages to be there when he is needed the most. How can he doubt that. Especially with the loss he himself suffers right now.

'I am just sorry for that.', he finishes. She shakes her head just slightly, barely noticeably. Leaningher arms on the top of crutches for a better hold, a feeling of gratitude filling her. Now it's her turn to give him some comfort. 'You know how proud Keith must be of you right now.'

Luke turns his head, smiling, a real smile gracing his lips, thinking about Keith, fond memories filling his mind and eyes.'I don't know if that's true...', his voice still tinged with doubtand Peyton answers with absolute certainty in her voice.

But she also knows that she is not the only one who wants to help and comfort him. She recalls Brooke' s sad face. Brooke really wants to support him. She just doesn't know how to reach him. Lucas is just as stubborn as her when it comes to grieving and letting people help them.

'Let Brooke help you out with this, ok? Don't shut her out.'

He looked up at her and asks 'Wait did she say something to you?' And she realizes the he really did not saw it. That he was so determined in hiding what bothers him, to deal with it on his own that he did not felt it. And she knows its her responsibility as his good friend and Brooke' s best friend to make them really talk to each other, translate what they wont understand themselves.

So she does what she has to, knowing it will bring her pain, make this situation even more difficult for her but knowing it is the right thing to do.

'No I just...I just know how you are I am the same way.', saying this in a half-broken voice.'She gave you her heart, Luke. You should give her yours back.'

When he searches and finds her gaze now he seems to translate her unspoken message. He can see it and she senses he struggles what to respond now so she aids him by saying

'I will see you', while turning to leave again and she has half-way turned her back to him now.

'Hey don't kiss anybody out there', she hears him tease, making it hard for her to keep composed. But failing miserably because annoyance and anger is clearly displayed now.

'You suck you know that', unable to keep the hurt out of her voice but he keeps on smiling as if to say her that the kiss he is referring to does not bother him like that and that he does not want her feel guilty because he certainly does not.

_End of the flashback_

Peyton kept on watching him. He seemed better now. It seemed like he was partly at piece with it now. It would take some more time until he would accept it completely, the knowledge that Keith would never return. She herself was still struggling with the loss of her mother, especially in moments when she felt good and knew that she had every right to be.

She told herself that her mother was watching her and it was important to share those feelings with other people. It was the only solution to not fall in a deep hole.

Lucas was standing at the opposite side of the dancing crowd and he lifted his gaze. It was as if he had sensed her looking at him and when a wave of understanding, hope and gratitude made its way over to her. A message for her.

He had heart her and not in the audible meaning of it. He was telling her that he had taken her advice serious and that it had helped him overcome his shock and he was ready to deal with it, even share his feelings because it lifted part of the weight of his shoulder to just talk about it. That once you stop keeping everything for yourself you might realize you are not alone.

And the feelings that were filling her now made her feel better about everything. Knowing her words had not only gotten through to him but had had a real impact. And this made her feel less alone, too.

_'There's always_

_a little truth behind every _

"_just kidding"_

_a little knowledge behind_

"_I don't know"_

_a little emotion behind every _

"_I don't care"_

_and a little pain behind_

"_It's okay"_

**Review please. You would make my day.**


	3. Irgentetwas bleibt

**AN: Hello dear readers. Sorry again for the delay. I had an important exam and had to study a lot, additionally to the Christmas and Karneval ( a German tradition ) stress. **

**If you read the name of the new chapter you will realize it's not English. It's a German song and translated it means 'Something lingers/stays'. **

**I don't know how many of you have checked out my profile. I also have a Community called 'Twilight Quality Crossovers'. I am always looking for story ideas that fit in there. So if you know a good Twilight crossover tell me about it. **

**Thanks for everyone who has reviewed on chapter two : OTHGirl24, jamyj30, RJMoonSpell**

**Also thanks to everyone who added my story to alert and/or favorite.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own OTH. I belongs to Mark Schwahn. **

**Irgendetwas bleibt**

_**by Silbermond**_

Peyton stood up from her seat. She needed to move a little bit, take a walk or something. This sudden tingle that had settled in since Lucas had locked her gaze had made her uneasy. This lingering feeling also evoked a force to distract herself.

It was a good feeling, there was no questioning that, but she also knew what this could lead to. By moving she hoped she hoped to clear her thoughts a little. She just couldn't allow herself to get all wrapped up in them, not now, not here.

So while carefully taking one step after another she headed away from her table, away from the gathering on the dance floor. She spotted the big white tent and went inside but what she saw was like a stab right in the center of her heart. There they all, the happy couples dancing, including Lucas and Brooke and she could not tear her eyes away even though every second was torture. When she finally manged to avert her gaze a picture formed in her mind: Lucas dancing right there with a partner, gazing down with love and desire. But the person that was so comfortable in his arms was not Brooke, it was herself and in this fantasy she felt happy, satisfied and all settled. It was as if she had finally found the place where she belonged.

But reality caught up with her and when she opened her eyes (she hadn't even realized she had closed them) she felt herself lean her back against something soft. Turning her head she found herself seated at a table at the margin of a dance floor again, unconsciously returning to her spectators spot.

Shaking her head she wondered when this had happened and why she always had the tendency to stumble into uncomfortable and unfortunate situations. But then again this always seemed to be her faith and there was always one person catching her.

_Oh, don't turn around and say bye again  
>Yeah it crushes my head when you call me<br>Your friend and I'm not the same person  
>From back in the day in the back of the class<br>That you thought was gay  
>No I can't find the words cause I lost them<br>The minute they fell out of my mouth  
>And it's love and I'm in it, so give me your lips<br>And just let me kiss 'em  
>And let's get messed up and listen to probably...<em>

Peyton was lying against the board, shaking. The pain in her leg was making all of her senses numb. She turned her head around every few seconds, someone might follow her, the shooter following her. The pain was exhausting her. She had no idea how long she had been here, but it felt like an eternity. It was so hard to keep awake and she let the numbness and the pain took over and her eyes got heavy when she heard steps a few meters behind her, barely audible if it wasn't for her already alarmed state.

The seconds ticked by like an eternity. They came nearer and nearer and the shaking increased. Then a wave of a common yet undetermined feeling touch her an when she turned her head again to the spot where the shelves were separated Lucas appeared with a baseball bat in his hands ready to attack. She cried out in relief and the fear broke out in a small whim.

His demeanor changed immediately to protective and he rushed to her side, his right hand touching her shoulder while his left hand went for her injured leg.

"Peyton, It's ok..." , he started but his hand had touched her leg and the pain spread anew

"Oh, my leg...", Peyton cried out while tears ran down her cheek. She was happy that he was here. This sense of safety she usually had around him calmed her a little but she had to cover her mouth nonetheless.

Her eyes met his and she whispered "I cut mine in glass. Lucas, I lost Brooke. I am sorry..."

He caught her worry and interrupted her softly "She's fine. She is fine." This information made her feel slightly better and also Lucas had taken to hold her hand. Being so close to him eased her pain and everything she had bottled up in the last ten minutes came rushing to the surface. The tears streamed down her face like they had waited to erupt.

"But you are not. I got to get you somewhere safe.", he added with haste in his voice. He then reached for her back with one hand while the other went underneath her leg. She immediately saw that he wanted to carry her out of the library. She was overtaken by fear of the shooter gain. She knew she needed medical attention but she did not want Lucas to get hurt, too.

"No I can't. I cannot walk. I tried.", she pleaded.

Lucas then raised his head looking over the shelf and his knees went up as if he wanted to go. "Don't leave me please."

Peyton held on to his hand even tighter, afraid he would leave her, afraid he would he would gt hurt and then no one knew would knew where she was. But also she was certain that Lucas even though Lucas had found her here that if he went no one would no where in the school building he was exactly. She could not bear risking his life as well. And she needed him here, by her side.

"I am just gonna block the entrance. We're just gonna hide. We're gonna wait it out.", he said and the way he said it coupled with the look in his blue eyes made her see that he meant it and she let go of his hand. He added before going: "Listen to me: I'm not leaving you Peyton. I won't."

He then turned around, disappeared behind the bookshelves and she could hear his soft yet rushed footsteps run along the floor. She pictured him with his head low, careful not to make any noise. She could hear him climb the stairs, close the door and had back the same way several seconds later.

Somehow picturing him while he did all this hawk-like moves to protect her made the time he was absent shorter and when she could feel his presence again all she did was turn her head in the direction he had gone and he was already back and sitting down next to her, careful not to brush her leg yet only so much that he could touch her any second.

His eyes examined her and they lingered on her leg, specifically on her wound.

"May I?", he asked her. She understood that he wanted to examine her wound and knowing he would be careful she nodded. She trusted him. He then pressed his fingertips to the edge of her wound, and after looking at her asking for permission lifted the bleeding skin a little. It made her squirm in pain and when she dared to look up at his face he looked worried, biting his lip. His expression told her that what he saw did nothing to ease the ever-present worry.

"You're bleeding pretty good. We're gonna have to put some pressure on it."

And she knew she had to tell him. Tell him what she didn't want to tell him because it would hurt him but she also felt that if their positions were reversed he would tell her, too.

"Luke, it was your friend. The one from the time capsule. He had the gun. But he didn't look evil or angry. He just looked scared.", and she saw that he believed her and his eyes told her that he had also discovered something else. The shooter was someone he knew. Someone he used to spent a lot of time with and if that still were the case he might have helped him. She also knew that he somehow must think that if he had known there might have been a way to prevent it.

But that expression also told her that even though guilt filled him he was primarily worried about her and he would always put her welfare first. This realization made her heart ache for him.

They just sat there in silence and all the pain and the emotions were taking their toll on her remaining strength and with his calming presence she let her eyelids drop and her head sunk to his shoulder resting there. It was as if it fit perfectly between his crook and his neck.

He gently touched her arm and she looked up at him and said: "I'm tired Luke." and he softly responded: "I know but you gotta stay awake."

After a moment of thought he added: "Talk to me. Tell me about a good day."

She told him about the snow day shortly after her mom's death in sixth grade and how Brooke had managed to cheer her up and they had hid from the adults and the psychiatrists. But as usual the hope and feeling of safety hadn't lasted very long. And this memory told her how her life would be after this tragedy and that she would have another hard time processing all of it. And denying these things never helped. They would always resurface.

While realizing this she remembered how earlier this morning she and Brooke had stood together my the glass door and the noise shortly before her leg gave in. It had been seconds before the glass had splattered and it told her that the material in her leg was not glass but something else.

"It's not glass, is it? In my leg?", she asked and she saw his swallowing that she was right. "No, it's a bullet.", he confirmed. "Now I may have to get you out of here. But nothing will happen to you, I promise." She had seen in his eyes that this was a promise he would keep. He had a fire in his eyes that told her nothing could stop him.

"You're always saving me." , she said and felt it. This was why only his presence made her keep her head straight right now. He was the only one who had that power.

"Someone's got to.", he said as if it was the most natural thing in the world. And she heard in his voice and saw it in his eyes that to him it indeed was that natural.

"If I say I love you right now, would you hold it against me because I have lost a lot of blood.", she said meeting his eyes but knowing that every word that had just passed her lips were as true as herself. She had no idea why it had taken her so long to see clear but now she was.

"Come here", she whispered and he leaned his ear in her direction awaiting her to say something else but she turned pressed her lips softly against his and he leaned it responding to her kiss and she thought 'Even if I don't survive I will always have this one perfect moment with him. And whatever may come later I can always look back and remember this kiss.'

"Just in case you can't keep your promise.", she whispered.

_End of the flashback_

But he had kept his promise. He had saved her and on the way lost Keith. But she knew the at he would never hold it against her. He was too good-minded for it and he had struggled a lot with his decisions from that day but never once with the decision to stay by her side.

This was another reason she loved him. No matter what happened to them they would stick together and regret would neither alter his mind any more than all the other bad stuff that happened to him, never. And this made her ache for him, daydreaming to be the woman in his arms.

_I believe everything happens_

_for a reason. People change so_

_you can learn to let go._

_Things go wrong, so that you_

_appreciate them when they're_

_right. You believe lies, so you_

_eventually learn to trust no_

_one but yourself, and sometimes_

_good things fall apart so_

_better things can fall together._

**AN: So what do you think? Please give me a feedback preferably a review. They make me want to continue and maybe even work on FYCD again. So motivate me ;-)**


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